Written October 2022.
New Year 2018/2019 – Glad Café New Year Party – Bells struck midnight and I questioned my whole faith. I was the loneliest I had ever remembered being and had recently walked away from a job in ministry (that I’d always felt was my calling) for what I hoped would be the last time.
I still fully believed in and loved God, but I was hurting and just felt that church – something I had loved dearly since my late teens – was no longer for me. I couldn’t do it anymore. I’d already had 3 months out and nothing made me want to go back. I was sore and wasn’t sure I still wanted to follow Jesus anymore because it just felt so hard. I had burned out and I just wanted to go back to my friends in London.
A month later, my best friend Ruth cottoned onto the fact that my “sabbatical” had just turned into me no longer going to church. She challenged me on it, but I just made excuses. I’ve always said that I would only go to my local church and there were no churches local to me that I wanted to go. I was pointing out problems with all of them – even ones I had never been to. Her brother was at a church in the West End and she said she would take me along. I’d always thought that Church was a bit weird (I mean, I was completely averse to a church I had never stepped foot in apart from their Christmas market which I’d thoroughly enjoyed!!) and American…
The Sunday I was finally
going to go, she let me know that they had two weeks prior opened a church in
the Southside – a 3 minute walk from my flat – and that I should go but she
couldn’t come. It was an answer to prayer as I had been reluctantly praying
that I would find a local church to go to. I walked along but was late and the doors
were closed (later I found out that was to keep the heat in!!) so I went home.
I tried again the next week and found the door slightly ajar
(I was late again!) Worship had started and the Southside was socially
distancing before it was cool so the only seat I could slip into was in the
second row. It felt immediately like home. At the end of the service, the woman
in front of me grabbed my arm as I tried to slip off and told me she that we
were going to be great friends and did I want to join the worship team?! I
politely told her that this wasn’t my church but in that moment I felt deeply
loved. She wanted to be my friend. For those of you in the Southside, you don’t
need me to tell you this beautiful soul was Lindy.
A couple of months later, I was asked to join the prayer
team. I politely declined and said that “I don’t go here – I’m just visiting” –
the retort came back, “Iona, you’ve been here every week for months, can you
just hurry up and become a member!” Brutal but true and I couldn’t say no, I
had been loved so hard by this church for no reason other than that’s what they
do.
For almost 4 years, they have loved me hard, have given me a
community to love, have called out the gold in me, have let me do the same for
others, have trusted me, have given me space to grow and use my giftings… they’re
making it really hard to leave as I move back south.
ReHope, you have been such an answer to my prayers – you were
exactly what I didn’t know I needed! Thanks for bringing me home and reminding
me of who I am and who He is.
